I was just thinking about this. Like Argh, it's so fresh thought. This is just a random post, uploaded in haywire. Lately, I am in a certain phase, where every little thing irritates me. Things are not in shape, natural tendency to expect is hurting me very well, everything is just passing by. 'I AM DONE' type thoughts, yes that's what I am talking about. Many of you may call it depression, anxiety, zoned out, self complex, suicidal thoughts, and whatnot. I am having irrelevant thoughts, maybe they are just because I am lonely right now. Here, loneliness is completely referred to as persistence, not existence. Yea, many of them exist, but they don't persist and understand. You can also account for it with understanding and stuff! 

So, yes let's not talk about what this is, and let us call it 'A PHASE'' and let not give it any dimension(relations, work, living, etc) let it be generalized. Also, Let's not get into the morality of the situation, or you know what, I even accept I am wrong like that's what you want an acceptance/apology; Is this going to make you understand what I feel then yes, let's do this. Yea that's where I am. I even know weak ones end up here and I am not at all ashamed to be called weak/broken. So the point is, something happens, call it as a disagreement or a situation and then I am in 'A PHASE' which I just explained above ⏫ certain thoughts, self brutality to be precise and I am not describing more about self brutal thoughts,  its because I just don't want someone to report this post for obvious reasons. If anyone wants to know in-detail about self-brutality don't hesitate to contact me, I am always so excited to talk about that, (excitement with a straight, serious, and *I know no one is interested*  face ). Self-Brutal thoughts help me to cool down!

 So I am busy with those thoughts, here's sequence wise ➡️ starting with here we go again --> followed by strong WHY! --> followed by some improvement tips, some "do's and don'ts"  --> followed by overthinking and then pinch of more disagreement! and ta-da! self brutality thoughts incoming. It's natural human tendency to act normal during mental distress; so that no one notices that you are in mental distress, but on other hand; you want to be get noticed, so you end up doing your routine thing in a more noticeable way. I did the same, So there is one ointment named clindamycin phosphate gel usp for pimple and skin issues, I applied it, brushed by teeth and went to sleep *mental distress and OVERTHINKING AND SELF BRUTAL THINKING continues*. Now the best mode to overthink and do this usual thing of self brutal thinking is to do it while lying on your bed with eyes closed and avoid crying. So now I am just lying on my bed and the situation continues. And here's my mom out of nowhere and concern, she just caringly patted my forehead and I yelled at her "don't touch my face, I just applied the ointment". And the moment after this, I started to laugh. THINK, Irony is- even if my mind is busy with self brutal thoughts(Destructive) and at the same time I am so concerned about skin, looking good, get rid of pimples, etc. 

So the point is that even our own mind is so ironic! It's not at all honest and truthful to you. You are not able to understand and control your own mind,  decide what you want in the first place and you expect other people to understand you. Haha-HaHa So ironic! Don't let your mind fool you. Control your mind, before it starts to mess up!

That's all I wanted to say. I know a big story followed by a small point. A lot of things are senseless. I don't know, I wanted to write these things down and Honestly, I am feeling better after writing and sharing this! So sorry if any of these things bother you in any way! Also, any grammatical error please ignore it! because I did, and expect you to do the same, cause right now grammatical errors the last thing I would think of! Thank you. 


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This blog is a personal blog written and edited by Spiritual Keeda. For questions about this blog, please contact spiritualkeeda [at] Gmail [dot] com
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